Y’all know we’re big Dawgs fans over here at Pretty Southern. This 2015 football season is off to an amazing start for our 4-0 Georgia Bulldogs. There are many reasons we can tout our success thus far, but here in the Bulldog Nation we think prayer might have something to do with it, especially the prayers of one young woman.
Our Pretty Southern contributor, Jenn Ciccarelli, has published some very devout prayers. Her supplications to the wee baby Jesus may have worked miracles thus far for the Dawgs. You can read her prayers from the first four games below. But first, brace yourselves to weather “The Storm.” (We recommend expanding this to full screen for one of the best football montages of this year…perhaps all time).
Prayer from Georgia vs. Southern University – Sept. 26, 2015, Win 48-6
Dear 8lb, 9oz, tiny mean machine in red and black,
First, Jesus, I don’t think you’re mean. Not at all. It’s just how the cheer goes and I’m sure you understand I needed to use it for dramatic effect. I mean, you have so kindly given our boys three wins so far this season! That last one awfully grand, if I do say so myself.
Well, little leader, I have to admit I’m a bit confused today. I thought we played the only other football team in Louisiana in Week One. Now there’s another? I hope it’s fair to assume that since none of us have ever heard of this place that our Dawgs deserve the W.
Don’t you think it’s a little presumptuous to call yourself Southern University, small savior? We all know the University of Georgia is really the only institution that matters south of the Mason-Dixon. Or, well, anywhere, really. They can’t just claim THE WHOLE SOUTH, Jesus. Nobody from Louisiana can really claim anything but the swamp. And, well, ok, we’ll also give them that win over Auburn, which I’m sure was your doing.
As for things that are not your doing, wee lord, who decides a city should be named Red Stick? I can’t well imagine that Baton Rouge is home to very many smart people if that’s what they landed on. So what I’m understanding is that we’re playing a bunch of cats (jaguars to be exact, and we all know how great Jaguars are at football) that no one has ever heard of from a town with a stupid name? Well, Jesus, I’m sure you know just what to do with that.
Bless the Dawgs, miniature mentor! Please help Greyson break some more records! Show lots of love to Nick and Sony! Keep a watchful eye over our other fearless leader, Coach Mark Richt, and continue to help us rock this season!
In your Larry-lovin’ name we pray…AMEN AND GO DAWGS!
Prayer from Georgia vs. South Carolina – Sept. 19, 2015, Win 52-20
Happy Game Day! Let us pray!
Dear 8lb, 9oz littlest hobnail-boot-wearin’ savior,
Baby Jesus, I rarely pray to you with a personal agenda, but this is a special one for me. Today, the boys take on those icky old Gamecocks from South Carolina. I obviously DO NOT have to remind you what we think of South Carolina, other than consoling you by saying that we ALL make mistakes. You may recall when I once spoke out about all of the evils in the wretched state of South Carolina and they drove me out with pitchforks (and mean comments on the internet). I know you said we should love our neighbors and stuff, baby Jesus, but REALLY! A win today would be especially special to me, if you’re inclined to include wish granting in your prayer answering service, smallest leader.
I have to say, Jesus, thanks for divinely inspiring ol’ Mr. Webster. Before starting today’s prayer, I went to check out the other Big Book to look up “cocky“ so I could understand what it means to be a South Carolina fan. I was obviously SHOCKED by what I saw! Pride, Jesus! That is one of your biggest sins!! They obviously do not deserve a victory over our Dawgs!
We should start by stating that it doesn’t make much sense to choose a farm animal as your mascot, but the rooster seems like the dumbest choice of all. Penguins are the only birds cool enough to not be able to fly, Jesus. Otherwise they just run around squawking and kicking at the dirt—so a lot like their coach, Steve Spurrier.
Jesus, do we really even need to talk about Steve Spurrier? First of all, YOU are the only Head Ball Coach. Can you imagine the nerve of him, thinking he’s head of anything when clearly you preside over all of the Universe?! Second of all, what kind of person proudly goes around leading people who intermittently scream COCKS at their football players? Why, that makes me blush, sinless wonder!
We are also all aware that the visor needs to take its place on the shelf right next to the fanny pack and Walkman. Who still wears a visor, pint-sized guru? Worse than wearing one, who throws one?! I think Coach Spurrier needs to spend a little more time talking to You and a little less time flinging his clothing around!
Bless over our boys in silver britches today, lordlet. May they have quick feet, sure hands and the strength of, well, Bulldogs! Please keep everyone safe from injury, and Jesus, if you could, remind us today why Georgia football is the best darn thing on Earth.
In your nothin’-finer-in-the-land name we pray,
Amen…And GO DAWGS!
Prayer from Georgia vs. Vanderbilt – Sept. 12, 2015, Win 31-14
Happy Game Day! Let us pray.
Dear 8lb, 9oz littlest Heisman-trophy-winner in the manger,
First, tiny infant leader, thanks for that win over those helmet birds! What a fun time that was, though perhaps we can skip the lightening this time? Totally up to You, of course. I hope you’ve been well since we caught up last weekend!
Jesus, I have to be honest. I’m having a hard time coming up with things to pray about today. I mean, with you being the smallest ruler of the Universe and all, I’d hate to waste your time asking for help against a team that lost to Western Kentucky. Not even regular Kentucky, Jesus, which would have been funny enough, but WESTERN. Jesus, when you say Bless Their Hearts, do you say “literally”?!
Poor Vandy, Jesus. There’s nothin’ worse than a bunch of nerds going on and on about their average football team. I mean, at least that’s what Tech has shown us, so I can only assume it’s the same. Maybe they’re slightly less terrible, miniature monarch, but only because they’re in the SEC.
Can we talk about a city that calls itself Nashvegas? Gross, Jesus. That’s even worse than those Hotlanta people. And how gaudy to build an Acropolis in the middle of a town devoted to country music. I’m sure Aristotle said a hail to Your mom when he heard about that one.
Also, can we discuss why they call themselves the Commodores, Jesus? I mean, in the great seaside town of Nashville, it really makes a lot of sense. But really, they named themselves after some boat and go around calling themselves captains and Tennessee hasn’t touched the ocean since Pangaea. How silly, baby leader!
Not that this game isn’t important as we work our way through the SEC, but slightly more important, Jesus, is that Georgia won last week and still dropped in the rankings. I thought Condoleeza Rice was going to be fixing these things. Guess that’s what we get for letting a Republican near college football, small saint. IF it’s your will, we, your beloved Georgia fans, would really like to gain a little more ground this week in the polls.
Bless over our boys Jesus. If you could just put a little oomph into ol’ Greyson, we’d really love ya for it. And if you could continue to let Chubb outrun everyone in the Universe (except you, of course) we would appreciate that as well. Bless CMR and our coaching staff and give Uga a little pat from Heaven if you have time.
In your touchdown-pass-throwin’ name we pray,
Prayer from Georgia vs. Louisiana-Monroe – Sept. 5, 2015, Win 51-14
Let. Us. Pray. smile emoticon
Dear 8lb, 9oz baby Jesus just chillin’ in the manger watchin’ Georgia football on the big(gest) screen.
Good, glorious morning from sweet, sweet Athens, GA, baby Jesus. They call it Your country, small ruler of Heaven, and they sure are right. It’s so good to be home! Today, our boys in red and black take on the Warhawks of Louisiana-Monroe.
So! Let’s start with the importants. How are you doin’? How’s your Dad? How’s your mom and them? Who is this Greyson Lambert person? I kid! I hear, tiny savior, that he comes from something called the A. C. C. Sorry, Jesus, but the idea that football is played outside of our glorious South (really even outside the Hedges, if we’re just being honest) makes about as much sense as that lady with all those divorces hatin’ on the gays.
Speaking of other things I’ve never heard of, precisely what is a warhawk, Jesus? I imagine it’s one of those birds with the tiny helmets? What kind of bird needs a helmet, little leader? No dumb bird in a costume could EVER compare to our beloved Uga! All that guy needs to be awesome is a bag of ice.
Baby Jesus, where is Louisiana-Monroe? Better yet, why is it? I can’t believe enough people leave the swamp in Louisiana to keep LSU in business, never mind TWO football teams in the state. Are they like a pee wee team or somethin’? Probably a nice charity act for underprivileged youth put on by our other great leader, Coach Mark Richt. (Thanks again for another season of not listening to those dummies who want him fired.)
Today, littlest sin-washer, we ask You to bless over the boys in their silver britches. Let Lambert show us that he deserves to wear number 11 after the great blessing you bestowed upon us in Aaron Murray (PRAISE!). Let Chubb run. Keep our defense strong. Keep us injury and felony free.
In your SEC-lovin’ name we pray,
Jenn is working on her prayer for the Georgia vs. Alabama game. Until then… #GoDawgs #BeatBama #SicEm!