Dear 8lb, 9oz, teeny tiny Jesus, sittin’ over there ‘tween the hedges, just sippin’ on a Holy Water…

Good morning, Lord!

Today is a day you indeed have made. I already know you’re having a good one, as today is the day you get to visit your vacation home, Sanford Stadium!!

What a beautiful sight our little city is on Game Day, baby Jesus! Thank you for Athens and all the folks in their Saturday best and for inventing the Breakfast Beer, great pocket-sized pious one!

Woo-eee, Jesus! Did ya see us last week!?

Thanks for THAT! Whatever bug you put in Coach Kirkby’s britches worked! (I think that little bug’s name is Nick Chubb, for the record.) We’re off to a great start and can’t wait to spend the season honoring your love of the Georgia Bulldogs!

Today, Lord, we take on the Colonels from Nicholls State. Honestly, small savior, I don’t even know where to start with these kids. How about that their website is geauxcolonels.com?

JESUS! There’s nothing more annoying.

All those people from Louisiana spell everything WRONG! Is their entire team on academic probation? Can’t even spell Go. Gracious, littlest savior.

Speaking of Louisiana, petite ruler, where exactly is Thibodaux? AGAIN WITH THE X!

It sounds like the swamp to me. We only fight one gross team from the swamp every season, Jesus, and that’s those darn Gators. I hear we paid them half a million dollars for this game, small blessed one! I reckon it’s because they had to buy a bunch of those hover boats to get here.

Just LISTEN to what I read about their mascot, mini manger-dweller! UH-parrently, it used to be a Confederate soldier! We all know that ain’t right. So, instead of praying to you for good guidance, they paid a buncha money for a new mascot and NOW HE’S A NAZI! Also! Their logo has a big, sharp sword through it, Jesus! We just don’t tolerate that kind of business here. Sounds violent.

Bless our boys in red in black, today, wee leader! Give Eason a chance to shine! And please, dear Lord, give Chubb a chance to run!

There really is nothin’ finer in the land than these beautiful days filled with friends, BBQ, (maybe a little booze, in moderation of course) and the best darn college football team in the best darn college football conference!!

In your Chapel Bell ringin’ name we pray,

GO DAWGS!