Editor’s note: we’re honored to host the indomitable Jenn Ciccarelli and her prayer for the Bulldog Nation as UGA kicks off its first home game of 2019.
Dear 8lb, 9oz tiny little grower of the most supreme hedges in the lands,
Baby Jesus, we are coming to you today LIVE FROM HEAVEN! All of your faithful followers showed up in our Saturday best, the greatest among us in their silver britches, to celebrate what is, aside from your birthday, one of the most sacred days of the year – the first home game! Little Lord we give great thanks for this beautiful day and know you will bless us with a W.
I’ll be a little honest, Jesus, I don’t know much about teams outside of the righteous SEC. I had to do a little digging to find out just who these Murray Staters are, and Lordlet, I have to tell you, I AM APPALLED.
First of all, the place wasn’t even founded until 1923. You know how we feel about New Money in the South, Lord.
AND they didn’t have a football field until 1973. Larry had made about half a million calls by then! I’m sure they’re lovely people but they have no business taking on the big Dawgs!
Then, tiny king, get this—most of their mascots are a Racer, except for their baseball team, who are the Thoroughbreds. Um, what?
This is even more stupid than that ol’ wretch Auburn and their Eagle Man Tiger. You’d think it stops there, but they just keep on gettin’ worse. Murray State is home to one of the nation’s top rifle programs. Because what the world needs more of, Jesus, are rednecks with guns. I also did some research on their Alumni and discovered more than half the congresspeople to graduate from there ARE REPUBLICANS.
No offense to Kentucky, small savior, as I had a lovely time there what with all the whiskey and horses, but I have since learned they did not officially secede from the Union during the Civil War, instead declaring neutrality, but Murray, AS IN MURRAY STATE, was known for being strongly pro-Confederate. That flag don’t fly in my South, Jesus. (Well, it actually does but we know you’re doing good work on the hearts of those icky White Supremacists.)
Bless the boys in Red and Black, Lord. May those runs and passes be long! We hope Coach Dooley gets to watch the game with you today and he’s proud of his field and our team.
In your hob-nailed boots wearin’ name we pray,