Dear 8lb, 9oz tiny little savior, hangin’ out between the hedges in Heaven,
Baby Jesus, I think today I speak for more than just Georgia fans. I come to you on behalf of the entire SEC as our Dawgs take on the…well…wait, are they elephants…some red wave thing? Who knows! The point is, you said through you all things are possible and we are tired of listening to bandwagon Alabama fans who lie about the number of national championships they’ve won talking about how our boys don’t stand a chance! If you ask me, the mighty seem to have fallen (except for you, of course) and a W for our boys would really let the meek inherit the Earth, if you know what I’m sayin’. (By meek I mean make up a little for that time when we should have spiked the ball with 4 seconds to go. It’s still too soon to talk about it, though, Jesus. Still. Too. Soon.)
I get that Alabama is an OK school, lordlet. I mean, they have the highest graduation rate of pageant queens in the country! And Tuscaloosa isn’t all bad…oh wait. Yes, yes it is. An entire town full of folks obsessed with some guy and his dumb hat. Listen, tiniest ruler, this is what I know. You’re the only dead guy that we’re supposed to praise. The way Alabama fans worship that false idol, Bear Bryant, why, that sounds like the work of that Ol’ Devil, Jesus. (The real one, not Nick Saban.) Paradin’ around, wearing that HIDEOUS houndstooth. It’s an abomination, pretty much literally, to all that is holy. So like, YOUR MOM, Jesus!
I guess we have to talk about Nick Saban, teeniest ruler, though I have to be honest and say it just gives me the dang shivers. Something about him, baby Jesus, why, he’s the scariest man since Steve Spurrier! In addition to being scary, he’s also a big fat tattle tale! Did you hear that he sent a play call for review AFTER THE GAME WAS OVER? How silly is that?! Talk about being a sore loser. I’ll give it to him that he does say nice things about Georgia in the press, but I think that’s simply the result of us being a far superior institution.
Oh! Jesus! I meant to tell you! Thanks for that whole Isaiah Mackenzie thing, though I have to admit, I’m not surprised. He is named after one of your best prophets, after all. And Coach Richt sees to it that only the best boys wear the silver britches. The Bulldog Nation sure would love a victory today in the name of our good deeds!
Baby Jesus, bless the boys today! Let Chubb get his hundred yards, with ultimate respect to our friend, Hershel, small savior. Keep Greyson on his toes! Let field goals be good, touchdown passes be long, and of course, please keep everyone safe from injury and excessive celebration calls. One time our old pal Larry said we broke the stadium after a big Georgia win. Let Sanford feel just a little bit like that today Jesus, and let Athens celebrate to the sounds of that ol’ bell.
In your feta fries from The Grill lovin’ name we pray,
AMEN AND GO DAWGS!!!
Jenn Ciccarelli is a local Atlanta marketer with a penchant for college football (the Dawgs, of course!), whiskey and live music. Life loves include all things marketing, entertaining (let’s be honest…eating) and planning adventures, particularly trips to far away places. Jenn currently lives in East Atlanta with her boyfriend and a gang of brown dogs. #GoDawgs #BeatBama