Select Page

Dear 8lb, 9oz precious little Dawg-lovin’ savior,

Happy Sunday, Jesus!

I can’t believe we’re chattin’ on a Sunday. Been a while, I reckon. I sure do like this switch up, baby lord. Brunch and college football at the same time? WHAT A WORLD!

Well, Jesus, we Georgia fans are coming to you a little more humbly this week. Last week, in a very smart move to hail your mom in the last second, those blasted Volunteers stole a victory from our tiny Jacob. Again, lordlet, I can only assume it was part of your greater plan for our boys in silver britches. The way I figure it, Jesus, you’re the biggest come-back kid I know, so I believe in my heart of hearts that you will help our boys pull out a victory today over those wretched chickens and their crappy new leader.

Speaking of, this season it’s a lot harder to even care about these Cocks now that Steve Spurrier is gone.

Steve Spurrier Dartboard

Baby Jesus, the Holy Bible never mentions whatcha do after Satan retires.

Can we just talk about Spurrier for a second, tiny leader of Heaven? Glad nobody else is around claiming to be the Head Ball Coach any more. Far as I can tell, YOU’RE the only Head Ball Coach around this place…and the ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

Do we even need to talk about Wil Muschamp, small leader? That guy has coached, pretty unsuccessfully, at like, EVERY SEC school. Gross. There can’t be a lick’a loyalty inside him, Jesus! It’s cute that South Carolina has picked up Florida’s sloppy seconds two coaches in a row now, though.

Also, I know last week I said orange was the worst thing you ever made, but that’s just because I forgot about Columbia. What kind of place wants to be the capitol of the state that didn’t even want to be a part of this great grand thing we call AMERICA?! That’s like saying you want to be in a conference outside of the SEC. WHO DOES THAT, Jesus?! Not the Bulldogs, I can tell you that much.

Jesus, could the Bulldogs get a W this week?

I think we’ve earned it through our gracious hurricane negotiations, tiny Eason’s performance this season, and Chubb’s continued super-human healing abilities. Let those Dawgs go back to Athens in high spirits, injury-free and ready to move forward, victorious, for the rest of our season!

In your Larry-lovin’ name we pray,

Amen…and GO DAWGS!