Editor’s note: we’re thrilled to welcome Jenn back with her prayers for the Bulldog Nation, kicking off the 2017 season: UGA vs. App State.
Dear 8lb, 9oz tiniest, smallest, most mighty little leader,
Helllloooooooo, Jesus! Can you just believe it? Here we are! Together again on the holiest of holy days! Why, this is the most anticipated meet up until Tormund and Brienne are back together. Thank you for this day. Thank you for our relatively crime-free off season. Thank you for the Bulldog Nation. I hear there’s nothin’ finer in the land.
Today, between our glorious, made-by-you hedges, our Dawgs take on the Appalachian State Mountaineers. Lordlet, they’re supposed to start us with an easy W, but we all remember the 2007 Michigan* game and come to you asking for not a repeat performance. Good thing Coach Kirby is our leader and not Ol’ Butch Jones or this could be a close one! Please help us to remain focused, steadfast, and committed to kicking their, um, tushes.
Baby God, do you know that App State’s mascot is a redneck named Yosef? He shoots a dang rifle after every touchdown. I am absolutely 100% sure that he voted for Donny Jonny. That alone is enough of a reason to never let them win a game again, but I can keep going. The name “Yosef” comes from mountain talk for “yourself,” the idea being that if you are a fan, you are Yosef. That doesn’t make much sense to me, Jesus, but then again, I don’t speak stupid.
Speaking of stupid, do you know they call their yearbook The Rhododendron, that making tons of sense, what with it being the national flower of Nepal?! These guys, little savior, I gotta tell you, seem to have been hit with the short end of the smart stick. If you don’t believe me, go check out their website (not that you need a website to know, smallest seer of all things despite your infant-sized brain). They have a plan where you can graduate in 5 years…ON PURPOSE.
There’s just not a whole lot I can say about the SunBelt Conference, little Lord. Would sorta feel like picking on the kid who doesn’t get picked for dodgeball. Doesn’t help them much that their record under that Satterfield fella is 32-18. Math was never much my favorite (sorry, I know you invented it) but Jesus, THAT’S A D. There just ain’t a reason in this Universe why our glorious and mighty Bulldogs should fall to an average team. I’m sure you’ll hear our prayer, pint-sized deity, and see to a win for the boys in red and black.
Itty bitty chief, we come to you today to ask that Coach Kirby be on the other side of what we call, rebuilding. That our Dawgs are ready to play strong and smart. Like, 4-year degree smart. Let ‘em be blessed with complete passes, long runs, and no injuries. Let Uga’s icepack stay cold. Let us all channel our inner Larry and HUNKER DOWN! And, above all else, let us sing your petite praises for bringing back the very best time of the year.
In your size extra small silver britches wearin’ name we pray,
AMEN AND GO DAWGS!