Editor’s note: today is UGA’s first SEC matchup of the 2017 season, and blessedly we still haven’t played any teams in our division, the SEC East. Dear God, let’s make sure we get this team ready to beat the pants off Tennessee, Florida, and South Carolina. No one cares about Kentucky. Now onto today’s prayer.

Dear 8lb, 9oz immaculately conceived ruler of all and creator of the SEC,

Let us start this prayer by giving praise for Royce for keepin’ us on the righteous path last weekend! Y’all had a great chat and we so appreciate that W. Today, Royce’s good wife, Dori, and I are coming to you from your home on Earth, Athens, GA.

What a day for the first SEC match up, Lordlet! Today, our Bulldogs take on, well, Jesus, this sure is confusing…some OTHER Bulldogs? What? I hope they’re not that silly French kind. I mean, if you’re gonna be a dog, be a DAWG, Jesus. Otherwise, you’re just a p…oh, um…cat. You are just a cat.

Besides, best I can tell our Bulldogs got their start in 1785 while these false prophets from Mississippi didn’t come around until the late 1800’s. Worse than cats, tiny leader, THEY ARE COPY CATS.

Do you know what else I’ve learned, Lordlet? They bring COWBELLS to their games. Even though they are banned, mostly for bein’ annoyin’. Ugh. Their college started as some cotton-pickers club and now they’re going to bring their gross redneck traditions to our Sanford Stadium. I know they’re only used to having to listen to 60,000 of them, but we just won’t have it in OUR house. Where the REAL Bulldogs play.

Little Jesus, these ol’ cat-dogs come from some strange place called Starkville. DUH, GUYS. It’s called Winterfell. Get it right. Also, the only thing to ever come out of this wrongly-named Starkville that anyone has ever heard of is Ronald Reagan. A DANG REPUBLICAN AND NOT AT ALL FROM THE SOUTH, Jesus. I can’t believe they even let the guy in!

Speaking of guys we don’t let in, Dan Mullen used to coach at FLORIDA! Can you imagine? (We won’t talk about Coach Kirby or where he comes from today, if that’s alright with you, small saint. Just focusing on the task at hand.) They’re basically Gators playing in South Carolina colors. NO WAY they deserve to beat our boys in the red and black, little leader.

With hearts that bleed for Georgia, Jesus, we ask that you continue to guide Coach K, keep that fire in Fromm, and protect that incredible defense of ours. More long runs, more one-handed catches, maybe less Brice Ramsey. Thank you for this glorious day! For these moments between the Hedges. For our Always Home.

We’ll see ya at the Chapel Bell, Jesus!

AMEN AND GO DAWGS!

PS. Jesus, have you seen Gurley in the NFL this season? HOLY SMOKES!