Editor’s note: we’re thrilled to have Royce Smith, Jr., son of UGA All-American Royce Smith (who played for Vince Dooley) guest blog on Pretty Southern. Now onto the prayer. Let’s Go Dawgs!

Royce’s wife and kids on Vandy’s field. It sure ain’t Sanford Stadium

Dear Mighty Creator of the Pigskin and Precious Protector of the Hedges,

First off, what a game last week! I believe our boys exorcised some demons on those Volunteers. We broke their nose in 2001, but last Saturday we broke their spirit. Old Smokey didn’t even get close enough to sniff the end zone! I just know you will forgive them for all that orange Baby Jesus, but if not, maybe a sacrificial offering of Butch Jones will do the trick? I know sacrifices aren’t really your thing anymore, but just throwing out an idea!

This year’s team is really on a roll and I’m reminded of a Psalm from your good book: “Through You we will push back our adversaries; Through Your name we will trample down those who rise up against us.” How ‘bout them DAWGS!! If you to bet on your teams, sites like online wedden would allow you to do it with the ease of convenience.

Well Great Provider, today we continue our march through the state of Tennessee, next stop Nashville. You know Little Savior, where the lost Commodores are still looking for the ocean pretending to play football this year? Speaking of Commodores, did you know what we call a Commodore now? Yes, I giggle too, when I say it out loud. A Rear Admiral Lower Half! I guess it’s only fitting seeing those ‘Dores are the gatekeepers to the lower half of the SEC.

I understand you are showing pity on Vandy by making this a noon game. Good call, Wise Infant Ruler! Best to go ahead and get this over with. With your guidance, I know Chubb and Sony will pave the way for our offense and I pray you continue to put ice in the veins of our defense. Let our quarterbacks be true with their spirals and our kicker split the upright with ease. Fill General Kirby with the fire and guidance of your Holy Spirit so he will have YOUR team raring to go!

As always, Little Sovereign Savior, may the first down chains move like your spirit and let the bell ring back in Heav- I mean Athens, tonight!!

Amen and Go DAWGS!!

Dear 8lb, 9oz smallest quarterback of the Universe and the only acceptable ruler with tiny hands,

 
Well howdy, Jesus! Can we get a HEAVEN YEAH! for that game last weekend?! Woo! The Dawgs are on top this season, Lordlet, and I hope it has a lot to do with our conversations! You can definitely let Aaron Murray know that he ain’t s…I mean, that he was wrong about picking those other Bulldogs. Thank ya for that W.

Today, our Mean Machines have traveled all the way to Knoxville to take on those ol’ Tennessee Volunteers.

Once again, Jesus, a team with an identity crisis. They’re volunteers because Tennessee sent a bunch of volunteer soldiers in the War of 1812. I MEAN, GET WITH THE TIMES, AM I RIGHT? Then they’ve got some hound dog named Smokey and a Phish song as their anthem. Also, their coach’s name is Lyle Allen but they call him Butch. I gotta tell ya, Jesus, I don’t understand much about any of this.

Speaking of things we don’t understand, can you tell me why these volunteers keep a trashcan on their sidelines? I hear it’s a special celebration for when they force a turnover. Uhhhh, because forcing the turnover isn’t enough celebration? You have to dunk a football in a trashcan instead? Maybe folks are on to something with that whole garbage man thing after all. Either way seems pretty weak compared to our “Savage” vest.

Infant deity, we have to have a little talk.

We all know that in all of time, in all the lands, you have only made two mistakes. Donald Trump and the color orange. It occurs to me as I tell you this that they are one in the same. If ya think on it, those Gators, those Eagle Plainsmen, those Tigers from that other conference, I mean, the list goes on, baby Lord, of the tackiest folks on the planet and the unifier between all of ‘em bein’ orange. As I said before, I know folks like to make fun of garbage men conventions here, but frankly Lordlet, garbage men have taken trash out of the world while these orange folks, ‘specially that Donny, ARE the trash. At least I’m glad they’re keeping their pumpkiny abomination in Knoxville this year and not bringing it to dear ol’ Athens!

We’re not going to talk about last year, Jesus. Your mom was obviously under a lot of pressure when she heard their call and let them make that catch. If you could just talk to her for us this year. No more of those, please. Unless they’re for the Dawgs. Then hail your mom all day! Tell her we’ll be sure to send a card on your birthday this year and we hope she’s doing well.

Jesus, we come to you today to ask for a mulligan on our last meet-up with these Tennesseeans. That you continue to put the maximum magic in Fromm, protect our defense who are stronger than any wall any orange person could ever build, and Jesus, well, I can’t believe it, but thank ya from all of us for Coach Kirby. Why, it surely is the finest thing in the land to be a Georgia fan this season.

In your comin’ down the tracks name we pray,

AMEN AND GO DAWGS!

Editor’s note: please Jesus, don’t make our other Pretty Southern contributor, Mandy Morgan cry again. She was pretty pitiful in 2015 when the Dawgs lost in Knoxville

Editor’s note: today is UGA’s first SEC matchup of the 2017 season, and blessedly we still haven’t played any teams in our division, the SEC East. Dear God, let’s make sure we get this team ready to beat the pants off Tennessee, Florida, and South Carolina. No one cares about Kentucky. Now onto today’s prayer.

Dear 8lb, 9oz immaculately conceived ruler of all and creator of the SEC,

Let us start this prayer by giving praise for Royce for keepin’ us on the righteous path last weekend! Y’all had a great chat and we so appreciate that W. Today, Royce’s good wife, Dori, and I are coming to you from your home on Earth, Athens, GA.

What a day for the first SEC match up, Lordlet! Today, our Bulldogs take on, well, Jesus, this sure is confusing…some OTHER Bulldogs? What? I hope they’re not that silly French kind. I mean, if you’re gonna be a dog, be a DAWG, Jesus. Otherwise, you’re just a p…oh, um…cat. You are just a cat.

Besides, best I can tell our Bulldogs got their start in 1785 while these false prophets from Mississippi didn’t come around until the late 1800’s. Worse than cats, tiny leader, THEY ARE COPY CATS.

Do you know what else I’ve learned, Lordlet? They bring COWBELLS to their games. Even though they are banned, mostly for bein’ annoyin’. Ugh. Their college started as some cotton-pickers club and now they’re going to bring their gross redneck traditions to our Sanford Stadium. I know they’re only used to having to listen to 60,000 of them, but we just won’t have it in OUR house. Where the REAL Bulldogs play.

Little Jesus, these ol’ cat-dogs come from some strange place called Starkville. DUH, GUYS. It’s called Winterfell. Get it right. Also, the only thing to ever come out of this wrongly-named Starkville that anyone has ever heard of is Ronald Reagan. A DANG REPUBLICAN AND NOT AT ALL FROM THE SOUTH, Jesus. I can’t believe they even let the guy in!

Speaking of guys we don’t let in, Dan Mullen used to coach at FLORIDA! Can you imagine? (We won’t talk about Coach Kirby or where he comes from today, if that’s alright with you, small saint. Just focusing on the task at hand.) They’re basically Gators playing in South Carolina colors. NO WAY they deserve to beat our boys in the red and black, little leader.

With hearts that bleed for Georgia, Jesus, we ask that you continue to guide Coach K, keep that fire in Fromm, and protect that incredible defense of ours. More long runs, more one-handed catches, maybe less Brice Ramsey. Thank you for this glorious day! For these moments between the Hedges. For our Always Home.

We’ll see ya at the Chapel Bell, Jesus!

AMEN AND GO DAWGS!

PS. Jesus, have you seen Gurley in the NFL this season? HOLY SMOKES!